Sunday, April 25, 2010

Bruised but not broken

What doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.This is so true.I've lived it.
When we in the middle of a crisis the only thing sensible at that point is to wave your hands all over the place like a maniac-calling for help.Calm, is a foreign word coz no one really wants to be calm when thrown into the deep end but i really do believe,we are who we are today because of the way we survived failures, victories, life's knocks, rejection and general life's injustices.

I went through a very rough time in 2007.I mean,"i almost died" kind of rough.I got back stabbed,mugged,lost my nephew,lost a job,lost friends...I was sure it was the end of me and i stopped living. I would wake up, open my eyes,go to the loo,go back to bed and meditate on these injustices untill i fell asleep again. I shut the whole world out.I even started to question my beliefs, my relationships and even God. This wasn't fair!
I slowly "died".The only way i think i kept going is through my journal.I wrote about ten pages per day.I candidly put down every feeling,though and idea that came to mind.
But like everything in life,it had to end.I had to get up, go out there with my head held up and smile through the pain. I did.At first it was hard,i kept wanting to go back and hide...I would sit with friends and have an internal arguement with myself..but slowly,baby steps, one day at a time, i got to my feet again.
I got to a point where i could talk about stuff and not wanna breakdown.I accepted it as a lesson i had to learn, a chapter i had to go through.

I remember a conversation i had with my then pastor, where were just talking about life in general and he, out of the blue said," You know, Pones(that's what he called me:)),When a human bone breaks and has to be rejoined,the place where it broke, is the place where it is strongest"I never forgot that.It came like slap of fresh air.An AHA! moment.Everything made sense.The reason why that "bone" broke is because it was weak there, so in order for it to be strong,there had to be a breaking and remaking! That makes complete sense to me!
I went home read through my journal, and wept at how i'd been so hopeless at the writing of those words.Reading it after it had happened,though really made things clear.It was like a view from the top.

So crap will happen.In fact craps probably happening now! But its all about searching for the lesson in the trial.Yeah, i know the last thing you wanna do when faced with crap, is to use logic.You want it to be over.NOW!But really wanting it to be over doesn't make it disappear.Its a hurdle you must go through.
So yeah,what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger(not necessarily wiser,lol).You handle tougher crap because you've had practise.

Strongs Hulle! :)

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