Monday, January 25, 2016
My breathing had just started normalizing (after two weeks of being angry at the whole Bill Cosby shit) when, this past friday, a colleague shared the sexual assault story involving OKMalumKoolKat. I was slowly starting to forget because, I guess, social media had told me there was something new to be angry about. I remember having a familiar wave of anger come over me and doing a mental "What The Fuck?!" chant that wouldn't end.
Yet another story of a man violating a woman's body like our bodies are leased from them. Another woman scarred and potentially left wondering if she could have done anything to prevent him from violating her space and body like that.
The comments by some men on my FB timeline have had me blocking ain't shits and have also made me realize that this thing is a culture. These men see nothing wrong with taking sex from a woman and our culture has never judged it. Men could always rape a child and have the family keep the story under wraps in order to protect the family name - freeing the predator and leaving the victim to fight that demon all the way into adulthood.
It's all so normal.
I remember in the two townships I grew up in ( Gugulethu and Philippi) there would be stories of girls abatyiwe ifolly (direct translation: fucked by a line of guys). This would happen mostly when guys would invite their friends to join in having sex with the girlfriend. It is only in my late teens that I started seeing this as rape. These "folly" incidents went unreported because girls back then also thought it wasn't criminal. Also, most of the girls I know who this happened to were not of the age where they should have been in sexual relationships so I guess telling their parents or the law would/could potentially get them in trouble. I wonder what those girls go through now knowing that happened to them and not having been able to talk about it.
Sadly, OKMalumKoolKat is one of many guys who naturally want to "win" girls after a night of drinking. It's not strange at all to see tweets or hear conversations about getting girls drunk and luring them home when they are not in their sober state. People laugh and retweet when guys say "I bought drinks all night for this bitch and she wouldn't go home with me". Like drinks are currency for sex!
I listened to Pocketbook by Jhud ft. Ludacris the other day and was so disgusted
"Jhud: Stop it! Before you make me...
Ludacris: Before I made you do what?/Girl you know you want it...I know magic mama/ Poof away with your clothes...Hurry up and give me your punch/I might spike it"
Now I might just be a super sensitive person but to me that sounds rapey as fuck! How did I never pick this up all the times I've listened to this song? Yeah, I know people need to rhyme and stuff but why are our ears trained to hear such violence and pass it up as just rhymes?
I spoke to a guy friend about the OkMalum story and this is what gave me a fresh surge of anger: " I'm not saying what he did was right but we don't know the facts. They might have been flirting before she went to sleep".
This, of course, means in the instance he mentions, it would have been okay for him to be a creep and feel her up in her sleep.???????
I could not have been more baffled! Here was a man who has always claimed to be an ally of feminism losing the plot completely. This is something I've never understood with men who wear the "conscious" tag with pride but misplace it when it comes to how they treat women. How, how, how is it that black men see racial prejudice as 100% unacceptable and will call out racism but are wishy washy when one of them sexually assaults? How???
How do we march with them side by side against other injustices but we're left on our own when it is one of them who commit these acts?
And no, this is not me attacking a black men for what white men do as well - I have heard this before. It shouldn't even be a "But they do it too" situation. We are not supposed to live in fear of men! FULL STOP!! I should not be well-acquainted with panic attacks because men feel like they have an unwritten right to my body. If the day comes where I run out of money and I accept drinks from a guy, I should not be locked into a silent agreement to have sex with him or let him forcefully take it. Women are fucking entities! We are not made solely for the pleasure (sick or not) of men! Fuck this!